I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black. I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?
Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...
Son: Am I kidnapped?
Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
Kid: What is an orphans favorite breakfast? Teacher: What? Kid: Fruity pebble with water Teacher: Why water? Kid: Cause it's dad never came back with the milk
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. you don't. You have a father figure
“ the dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife but his wife said no so he fucked his daughter”
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Hey, pass me that crow bar please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home
(credit to Ryan Lombard (I think that’s his name) from YouTube shorts, I loved this dad joke/pun)
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad? Both disappeared but one killed 239 people
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
