Dad Jokes

Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"

The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

The image shows a father and son sitting at a table in a restaurant. The father is looking at his son with a smile, and the son is looking back at his father with a slight smile. There is also a plate of food and a glass on the table. Above the image it says, "Waiter: Kids under 12 eat for free" and "Dad: My son wants 4 large Pizzas and one water for me".

What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?

Your dad.

I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?

He said “Wynaut.”

Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?

Because his dad never came back with the milk.

I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...

Me:...

"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

What do Myspace and my dad have in common?

I haven't seen them in a while.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"

Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

Your hairline goes back to when your dad left you.

I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)