i am not racist gay or judgemental or mental
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I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather , that is until my mom took the urn away from me

son: Dad i know i’m adopted dad: well how do you know son: i found the adoption papers dad: that is for your mum

if you know you know

No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either

it’s just true

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means there recording.

BTW i am one wahahaa


are you a biographer cause i picture us toghether can i take a picture of you for i can show santa what i want for christmas No pen No paper you still draw my attention you know what i hate about math they always talk about x and y but not about u and i

jimmy does stand up comedy he says “what do you call an orangutang”

jake replies “YOU” then everyone including the teacher laughs jimmy cries