Violence jokes
It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
All rape can be prevented. It's just a matter of semantics.
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Why did your friend eat the burger?
Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!
Not really. He was just hungry.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
How hard can you throw them!
I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.
What do birds and children have in common?
If you shoot them, they die.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What does Sonic say when he's bored?
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
A black guy walks into a store to buy some watermelon and fried chicken. The cashier says, "That'll be $20." He pulls out his wallet, but it's empty. Suddenly, a bigger black guy bursts in, grabs him, and says, "Time to pay up, n***a!" Then he bends him over the counter and fucks him in the ass.
A bully chokes me. I simply say, "Joke's on you, I like being choked!"
So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.