Violence Jokes

How do you make a plumber die?

You kill his family.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?

Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.

KHONSHU

The image depicts a character with a bird skull head and a wrapped mummy-like body pointing with a finger against a dark background and a moon crescent behind it. The text says: I WANT YOU TO BREAK HIS WINDPIPE!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.

I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...

But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊

Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

6 feet under.

*That is how deep they put the coffin...*

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.

You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."

...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"

The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?

More than 9 because my basement's still dark.

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."