My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
My gf dumped me so I took her wheel chair
Guess who came crawling back
People always told that if you killed a murderer that there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
If you are ever bored punch an orphan what are they gunna do tell their parents?
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheel chair, she'll come crawling back.
My dads the oldest and when he was young he shot my grandpas balls off but I thought about it how does my dad have younger brothers
My therapist once said, 'time heals all wounds' So I stabbed him. Now we wait...
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal. I wanted to tell him “well can we get what we both want?” “ I was already planning on dying anyway.”
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late.. Guess who's late now..
Today I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you Penaldo!
Somebody stole my joke
So i stole their spinal cord.
They laughed at my drawing so I laughed at their chalk outline 😈
So There was a male whale and a female whale swimming threw the ocean .One day the male whale sees a ship and says "that's the ship that killed my parents" . So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea. The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive so he opened his mouth and went for the man but out nowhere the female whale yells. " HEY!!, I was in it for the blowjob but I'm not gonna eat sea men"
When my girlfriend broke up with me I took her wheelchair. I always knew she would come crawling back
A kid named billy get his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money and his wallet taken by his father. The father then gets all the money taken from his by the bully’s grandfather along with is own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by billy along with his own wallet.
So In revenge of the sixth when Anakin goes and kills the younglings I thought to myself hey it’s just another day in an American school
