My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
If you are ever bored punch an orphan what are they gunna do tell their parents?
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheel chair, she'll come crawling back.
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.” “Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal. I wanted to tell him “well can we get what we both want?” “ I was already planning on dying anyway.”
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late.. Guess who's late now..
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?