Violence jokes

A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

My stepdad beat my ass before he left.

my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.

So I stabbed him. Now we wait.

What did the rapist say to his victim?

"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.

What is a terrorist's first move in chess?

C4.

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"

Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."

A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.

Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

My friend, Jackson Huge-T, got raped by Huge-D's.

I took a special needs child to a shooting range.

Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"

I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

Why did I shoot my dog?

Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎

What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A rape victim!

What's the POINT in stabbing people?

HAHAHA