Violence jokes
My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Me: Demon Slayer.
My teacher: Why?
The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"
Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."
A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.
Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.
I kicked the shit out of Little Johnny.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can watch the expression on their face.
Guns control.
My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
How do you rape a feminist? Tell her you are a woman and she will let you do whatever. You won't even need to force it.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
This car in RC-XD.
Today a canvasser came to my door asking if I wanted to make a donation to protect women in the Congo.
I told her no.
The canvasser got a little upset with me and said, "Don't you know that the Congo is the rape capital of the world?"
"Then they should be used to it by now," I replied.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.