Violence jokes

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

Q: What did I find on my son's search history?

A: Where is the nearest gun shop?

What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?

Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.

LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.

Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?

A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?

Shoot kids in them ;)

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?

Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.

Columbine High basketball team will never be good again after they lost their two best shooters.

*School Shooter Walks In*

That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

A special quote: “I was gonna slap that girl into tomorrow!”