Violence jokes

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them. 😈😈

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.

Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.

Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.

What do you call a white kid at the back of class?

A school shooter.

If you're bored, punch an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

What's America's no. 1 class?

Target practice.

I like you, you like me.

Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.

And into a children's birthday party.

What do you do when you see a naked dead girl?

Check your map, you're obviously going in circles.

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!

How do you save your wife from drowning?

Take your foot off her neck.

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

Q: What did I find on my son's search history?

A: Where is the nearest gun shop?