Short jokes
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.
If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.