Short jokes
What is the difference between a nerd and leafyishere?
One is fun to laugh at, bully, and roast, and the other is just a nerd.
Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.
What song genre do the national anthems fit into?
Country.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
What's a Latino's favorite sport? Lacrosse.
Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.
What did the girl say to the man with a moustache?
I moustache you a question.
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!