Short jokes
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
When my grandpa was 65, he decided to run a mile a day to keep fit.
He's 70 now, and we have no idea where he is.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
What does Michael Jackson and Jeffery Dahmer have in common?
They both enjoy kids' company.
Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.
what's a depressed person's favorite game?
hangman
Why do priests play Geometry Dash? Cuz they can beat Demons.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.
Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.
I got jealous when my phone dies.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(