Short jokes
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.
I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Lady fingers.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.