Age Jokes

My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that.” Then I unplugged his life support.

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.

Bro, Asian girls have the weirdest names. I was, like, with one, and she kept on saying, "I'm too young."

Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."

The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.

The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.

Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.

The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"

One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

My friend has a dry sense of humor.

Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.

I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.

A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”