I asked my Dad the other day.."At what age is it ok to have sex with girls?"He replied "When they leave school son, they are legal" Apparently 3.15pm is not what he meant.
Your hairline goes so far back that even god said, "I learned about it in my days."
at the age 100 you get a letter from the queen, at 12, you get a DM from prince charles.
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that." Then I unplugged his life support.
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
So I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said "Yes ma'am." She said "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said "Okay, thanks bitch."
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
My friend has a dry sense of humour
Probably bc her body was decomposed ages ago
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked in to the classroom. The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
I like my women like I like my wine, twelves Year’s old, in the basement, and locked up
A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me?😏” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”
What is the best cure for aging?
Suicide.
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
Grandma: young people your age are married by now,why aren’t you?
Me: old people your age are dead right now, why aren’t you?
up into the sky so very far here comes Dr. Seuss ALLAHU AKBAR, at the ripe old age of 97 he committed 9/11
