Ass jokes
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.