Ass jokes
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.