Short jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.

What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.

What's the best thing about midgets??

They don't need to bend while giving blowjobs.

When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?

Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.

Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.

I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...

Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.

Why was the chef embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing.

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

The only thing brighter than my future is the fire on the World Trade Center.

So Kenny finally found his one true love.

But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.

What do you tell a dead metal fan?

Rust in peace.

The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."

Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.

I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!