Short jokes
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.
What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.
What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?
Pigs in a blanket.
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?
Because all the other letters are not Z's.
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.