Short jokes
What do you call a mean cow?
Beef jerky.
Why did the heart go to jail? Because it had a cardiac arrest.
What do the initials NAACP stand for? National Association For The Advancement Of Colored Pedophiles.
Can I be the hammer to your nail? Just so I can pound you down to my wood?
Everyone has depression on SOME level, even our cells do apoptosis!
Btw: apoptosis is basically when a cell kills itself :)
What's an emo's favourite historical period?
The Great Depression.
What's the difference between me and Elliot Yamin?
I will not be waiting for you.
Are you a cardiologist? My heart is missing, can I have yours instead?
Excuse me, are you a chiropractor? Because I want to take a crack at taking you out to dinner.
They shouldn't have released the final seconds of the N722BD crash audio, it was like giving free porn to rapists.
Look on the bright side, women: nothing says you're beautiful like being raped by a complete stranger.
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy?
TIMMY!
What is black on top and white on the bottom?
Rape.
Wanna hear a joke? School shootings.
What do you call a gay Pikachu? Penischew.
Why do you think SpongeBob will be good at sex? Because he's always ready.
Maybe I should call you Patrick Star, wanna know why?
Because you're fat, stupid, lazy and everyone laughs at you for it.
You're so skinny that every time you get an X-ray, you call it a selfie.
It says my comments are the worst. Although, if Explaining Bear were to post it, they would be negative jokes.
Friends you eat with are called "tastebuds".