Short jokes

What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?

Twix.

What do you call two natives in a ditch?

A sleepover.

What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.

Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.

Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?

If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Why are English people bad at chess? 'Cause they lost their Queen.

Why can't the US play chess? 'Cause they lost their towers.

I diddled for a total of 67 times. I am the ultra Gooner. My cum is everywhere. I am the goon master.

Yo momma so dumb, she got kicked off the short bus.

I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.

If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.

Q. What's Terri Schiavo's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

Q. Why aren't jokes about bulimia funny?

A. They're just in bad taste.