Short jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
No one.
No one who?
No one who?
Your hairline so bad even God says, "Aaaaahhhh!"
Your tits look heavy. Need help holding them up?
Free service for tit holding!
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
What is the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
Q. What movie is a fat person most afraid of?
A. The Hunger Games.
What happens if you look in the mirror and say fentanyl 3 times? You'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors?
Surrounded by loved ones.
Who are the fastest readers on Earth?
The pilots flying the 9/11 planes. They went through 6 stories in 5 seconds.
If you could add one zero to any number for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
The + in LGBTQ+ stands for pedophiles.
Autists either believe everything you tell them or are nonstop skeptics. There is no in-between.
American-accented, British pronunciation, what am I?
Either Canadian or European.
Why do they call it oven, when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food?
How does Hitler tie his shoes? With little Nazis.
Why is an apple not called a "red", but an orange is called an "orange"?
There are three Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
The cop!
Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump...
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.