What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"
*walks in store* OH LITTle debhehe's!
Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.
Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?
Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
What show has something orphans will never have?
American Dad!
Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?
A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
What’s better than the best thing ever?
Me being mod.
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
Q. What do Danielle Smith and a squirrel have in common?
A. They both always have a mouth full of nuts.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
"When I was a child, my blind mother taught me hand jobs, like carpentry and painting with her legs."
"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."
