Short jokes
Wanna know why your pussy reminds me of a garbage bag?
Because you fill it, stretch it out, and let it stink for weeks.
Why can't gay men be handymen?
Because they'll be caulk fighting on the job.
What do women and wine bottles have in common?
They both have a hole you can plug and unplug.
What do you get when you add one whole and one whole?
Two holes, dummy!
I feel sorry that your hairline deployed from war with your forehead.
What do a track meet and a frat house have in common?
They both have something getting ran through by eight men while it just sits there.
I hear Cornell produces very dedicated farmers; they’ll plow a field all night long no matter how much resistance she gives ’em.
What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a roller coaster?
You can ride both on Ketamine, but only one will get you on the news.
TODAY'S BRAIN CELL COUNT:
2, and both are competing for 5th place.
That last brain cell must've been your dad, because it left without you knowing.
Autistic students are the best, hands down!
People think I'm racist but I'm really not.
I hate everyone equally.
Decent sausages, average price, good car and seats... nothing.
Did you just kill the last brain cell you have? Or are you just plain stupid?
What do dogs and lesbian women have in common?
They're both lickers and called a bitch.
I'd rather kiss a cactus than kiss you. Wanna know why?
Because at least I'd feel something with the cactus than I ever could with you.
You're so ugly that you make Caitlyn Jenner cry.
Your sense of humor is like being a short bus kid: it's retarded.
Your face is so greasy that the USA is gonna invade you!
Who invented shadow boxing?
Adolf Hitler.