Short jokes
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a police officer?
Because he can't use a walkie-talkie.
How did Hitler like his portobello mushrooms?
Jewcy.
What is Stephen Hawking's favourite car?
Rolls Royce.
What is Stephen Hawking's favourite music?
Rock and roll.
Why did the fat man miss his flight?
His body weight exceeded the weight limit.
Why was Hitler banned from Formula One?
He could never finish a race.
What do you call cheese that is not your cheese?
Not yo cheese!
What's a Mexican's favorite song?
"I Walk the Line."
What do you call a pool full of disabled people?
Vegetable soup.
What do Humpty Dumpty and Ace from KISS have in common?
They both had a great fall.
Why did the paraplegic cross the road?
Because they didn't have any handicapped parking spots on his side.
At the drive-thru window:
"I'd like a Big Mac without soup, please!"
"We don't serve soup here!"
"Well, I didn't order any!"
Why did Sally stay in school?
Because she has no arms, she can’t open the door, and the teacher left!
What kind of fruit can fix your toilet?
A plum-mer.
What is a snake’s favourite subject?
Hiss-tory!
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
It wasn't peeling well.
What kind of pizza do Asians get?
Prain.
Yo mama is so old, when I told her to act her age, she died.
Yo mama is so hairy that she uses a lawn mower to shave.