Short jokes
If I cut my wrist, am I a zebra or a tiger?
If rape is sexual assault, then why does my dad do it? (He specializes in sexual assault cases.)
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Why can't an orphan ever play baseball?
Because they never found home.
What does Chainsaw Man's chainsaw say as he chases a black person?
"Runnnnigernigernigerniger..."
My boyfriend said if I kiss him, I'll get lucky. I fell down a flight of stairs.
Heh, what do you call two girls who love scissors?
Lesbians! Bahahah!
Michael J. Fox goes in to get a haircut. He comes out missing an ear.
Michael J. Fox came up to me the other day and introduced himself to me. He said, "Hey, what’s shaking?"
I said, "You."
Michael J. Fox loves to cook, especially desserts. They now call him "Shake and Bake".
Did you know Michael J. Fox’s favorite song is "Shake, Rattle and Roll"?
Michael J. Fox is rumored to be starring in the new Tremors sequel.
If Michael J. Fox was in the middle of an earthquake, would he know it?
Why is America so good at Rubik's cubes?
They have a history of sorting colours.
The cemetery sure is overcrowded today.
I guess people are dying to get in.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I went on holiday to the coast the other day, and I saw a shark.
I was alright, but I don't think my feet were.
Q: How many aborted babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.
I whopped my daughter's butt because she doesn't listen.
I now have a court date for child abuse and crimes against a deaf person.
I was watching the news and heard a segment about a blind hooker who got stabbed 40 times.
At least she didn't see it coming.