Short jokes
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.
What do teenage girls and happy meals have in common?
They both come with a toy.
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
What is Lizzo?
Big, fat, and ugly.
What is fraud supposed to taste like?
Bananas and Rice.
Why are Black people afraid of ghosts?
Because ghosts remind them of the KKK.
Q: What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
A: Downey.
Roses are red, I have no money, I want to be dominated by a goth mommy.
Bonnie Blue's son could win a science fair just by participating.
What is the best revenge for getting punished at school?
Go shoot up the school.
Why are Americans such good marksmen?
Because they had plenty of schools to practice their shooting.
Women understand each other.
That’s why they argue.
You are so skinny, you probably wipe your butt with floss.
What do women and appliances have in common?
If they don't work, hit them until they work.
I am so cool that even the fridge or a snowman would shiver his timbers when they see me :).