Short jokes
I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.
It takes a licking and keeps on tickingTM.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Why doesn’t Jesus trust humanity anymore?
Because he doesn’t wanna get double-crossed.
Why did the priest invent baptism?
To wash their sex toys.
What makes 2024 a terrifying year?
Pianos playing ragtime music keep falling out of the sky!
Who was in a creepy cult?
Best. Buy. Nights!
How does Shadow the Hedgehog make fruit punch?
He punches Sonic in the face for being fruity, knocking him unconscious!
Honorable mention, who lived and died this way as a checkout girl?
Luke Combs!
Why did Bill throw up?
He ate too many Big City Greens.
What's round, ticklish, and drove a fast car?
Hee hee, yee yee, hee-haw, hee!
I'm racist.
I don't like green cars.
What is a dog's favorite music?
Pup rock
How do you make a blow job OSHA compliant? You add a railing!
What did the black kid say when he went to the confession booth?
"Daddy?"
What did the squirrel say when he chewed some saggy boobs?
Is it just me or do these taste like nuts?
What's a pedophile's favorite fast food meal?
In-N-Out of kids.
Why is chemotherapy like a five-star meal?
Because you have to have money to pay for it.
What do blonde chicks and Asians have in common?
They both drive with their blinker on.
What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?
None, because they both forget a lot.
Feminists should STFU and suck my dick!