Banter jokes

Immigration jokes just cross the line.

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.

Me: I need a good roast.

My friend: Take me!

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

Me: Do you like smash?

Friend: Smash Rolls?

Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!

Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.

What did Jim say to Jeff?

"I killed your ham."

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf