The 1,000+ Best Comedy Jokes

I was a sit down comedian then i try to stand up I felled

I wished i stayed in the wheelchair.

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

My friend: Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny Me: C'mon it's not that deep

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.

I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.

What's an orphan's favorite movie?

"Home Alone."

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy “hey mister its getting dark out and I’m scared” Man “how do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone”

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: 'You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!'

Fuck it suicide is wrong but if you jump off a bridge and yell parkor its a failed stunt

Does anyone still look at this if you do tell me if I should make more jokes :)

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."

Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.

What show does an orphan hate?

Family Guy.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

How to fall down stairs Step 1 Step 2 Step 6,7,8 9,10

Dark jokes are like water some people just don't get it

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”