Comedy jokes

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."

So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"

Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.

What show does an orphan hate?

Family Guy.

What's an orphan's favorite movie?

"Home Alone."

Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.

Some people think incest jokes are funny.

I just think it's all relative.

Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

What starts with M and ends with arriage?

Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child.

What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.

Dark jokes are like water; some people just don't get it.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.