1000+ Comedy Jokes

I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. -- A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Lol me be like

The meme shows two screenshots of characters from the Simpsons. In the top frame, Moe is making a slightly confused face, and it says "Me making jokes." Below, Homer is making a disgusted face, and it says "A guy wants to date me".

So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"

Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."

What's an orphan's favorite movie?

"Home Alone."

Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents will get mad. Oh.... Wait... Continue.

What show does an orphan hate?

Family Guy.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

Some people think incest jokes are funny.

I just think it's all relative.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."