Comedy jokes

I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.

I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

"Come on now, gay jokes aren't funny."

Kyler, go on this one.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Control freak.

Con...

Ok, now you say, "Control freak who?"

Wanna me to show you a joke?

*Points at face* Funny, right?

Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.

Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.

Q. Why aren't jokes about bulimia funny?

A. They're just in bad taste.

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My name is Ya.

Ya who?

Yahooooo!!!

If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."

A man was on the street and went up to a kid wearing rags. The man asked, "Hey, are you an orphan?"

The kid said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

The man said, "Your parents."

What protects clowns from the sun?

A bozone layer.

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."