Prison jokes
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
How do prisoners call each other? Cell phones.
What did the pedophile say when he got out of prison?
I feel like a kid again.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
What’s the difference between school and prison? One is painted.
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.