Prison Jokes

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

i saw a cuban prisoner i asked why are you running from the cops he said IM FREE AT LAST.

A prisoner dug out of prison, he appeared in a playground, he said, "I'm free, I'm free." A kid said, "so what I'm four."

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate and you must never hold on to any beef . " The Angel then disappeared.  The man did as was told and became generous and kind he emerged from the betting office with all his money... he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person..each and everytime. He ,however couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what .  When he died the Angel came back for him .. "But I'm undeserving I can't come with you" he said .. "Yes you can" replied the Angel , "you gave all your stake ( steak) away"

I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself,... That's a little condescending 😊


I have cancer the doctor said I have 3 days to live but I was like fuck it and killed him the jury said I have life in prison I shouted yes he said thank you you saved my life

Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?

Reports say there's a small medium at large!


Why is the white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?

Because the white guy actually did it.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out. "He doesn't love me anymore!!" The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because ,most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis' the officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

A cement mixer has ­collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.