Short jokes
You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.
My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)
Why did the bee buzz off?
Because he had to bee somewhere.
What is the difference between a nerd and leafyishere?
One is fun to laugh at, bully, and roast, and the other is just a nerd.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
What song genre do the national anthems fit into?
Country.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.
These days, there are only two political parties in India: BJP and anti-BJP.
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.