Short jokes
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
Why was the staircase so sad?
Because everyone walks on them.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?
Hans Solo.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
What's the best thing about midgets??
They don't need to bend while giving blowjobs.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso espresso.
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."