Short jokes
Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
Suicide is the way to get even with the bitch called probability.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
What do planets use to download music?
Nep-tunes.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Lady fingers.