When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
You are the reason double doors were invented.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
I just thought of the best invention ever: a vape dildo.
Say "invented" without the first "n".
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
COVID-19 is like pasta.
Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
"We've invented the spade!"
"Oh wow, this is ground-breaking!"
Why do animators like Christianity?
Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.
