Short jokes
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
Down syndrome kid: Stop being greedy with the Legos! Me: Stop being greedy with the chromosomes!
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Logan Paul left him hanging.
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.
What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?
They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.
What do you call someone smart and dead?
Stephen Hawking...
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?
A water gun.