Short jokes
Which bees produce milk?
Boobies.
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.
Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
Hillary Clinton
God's racist. He separated light from dark.
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
What did the pornstar say to the unemployed homeless man?
Get a fucking job.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.