Short jokes
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
What's white and can't climb a tree?
A refrigerator.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.
POV: You liked this joke because you're straight.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just Juan.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
America.
Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
90 percent of women kiss with their eyes closed, which is why it's so difficult to identify a rapist.
It isn't rap music if it isn't about rape.