Short jokes
What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert?
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch.
What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A stoner has papers.
What do you call a bee’s love?
Honey.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
When is a piece of wood made king?
When it's a ruler.
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
What sucks but doesn't suck?
Vacuums!
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
Q: Why is Hitler better than Biden?
A: Because Hitler gave gas to his people for free.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.