Short jokes
Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.
Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?
Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!
When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.
The pie tasted weird today.
Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Ur mom.
Oh wait, you don't have one.
What did the egg who was sun bathing say to the other egg? Don't look at my crack!
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
What is the chair's favorite person?
A sit-izen.
"Bill swift here, you make them, we take them!"
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
I have a match!
My ass, your face.
R.I.P. on a tombstone normally means "Rest In Peace"; however, in Madeleine McCann's case, it means "Raped In Portugal".
What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?
She charges you for extra sauce!
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.