Donald Trump

Donald Trump Jokes

Million

In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.

Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?

America

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

Slap

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

Assassination

I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.

We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.

Alabama

How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?

By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!

Difference

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?

A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.

Dinner

What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?

Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!

Race

Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?

Because he successfully finished a race!

Monica Lewinsky

"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"

"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"

Cheese

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

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  • Heritage

    Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.

    Melania

    Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?

    Donald Trump can only F@#k up.

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  • Surprise

    It's no surprise Donald Trump moved to Florida. That's where the oranges are.

    Cleanliness

    With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.

    Melania

    What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?

    $2 billion and high cholesterol.

    Lover

    For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.

    Election

    If Donald Trump is running against Bill Clinton, it's safe to say that we are witnessing the Lolita Express Erections...oops, I mean Elections.