Short jokes
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of kids.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
I tried to take a picture of some fog. I mist.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What is red and cries and spins around and around?
- A baby in a microwave.
What do a small pair of underpants and a small dance room have in common?
No ballroom.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.