Short jokes
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
If you pour paint in your eyes, the paint loses the 't'.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
What do you call a race car driver with Down syndrome? Down shift.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair with a speaker?
Rolling Loud 🎸🎸