Tree jokes
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
We saved a transvestite in a tight mini skirt from a tree.
I thought I showed a lot of balls.
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚⁉️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
Tongue twister: Through three cheese trees Three free fleas flew. While these three fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze; freezy trees made these tree's cheese freeze.
That's what made these three fleas sneeze. 👍😀
Y'all are whack at jokes, y'all suck!
What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?
Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!