A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

How do trees get online? – They just log in.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?

Wave.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

If trees could kill you, they wood.

What’s green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? – A pool table.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we’ve ever gotten to an accident site.”

What do you call a Russian tree?

Dimitree

What’s white and can’t climb a tree?

A refrigerator

What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant? A BONE-zai tree. But if they don’t like that one, how about a S-pine tree?

Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? – Because they are really good at it.

What’s a teacher favorite tree

A geometry

How do you get my neighbor out of their tree? You untie the rope.

Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.

What’s terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree. What’s worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.

Fruit is like ex-wives…

They both look really good hanging from a tree.