What did the wind say to the palm tree? Hold onto your nuts this is no ordinary blow job.

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband’s friend walks over and says,

“Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E.”

Snow everywhere, it’s Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.

What do emos and apples have in common?

They both hang on trees.

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope…

Trees are so social. They’re always branching out.

How do trees get online? – They just log in.

When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

How do you get a one armed man out of a tree?

You wave at him.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.

If trees could kill you, they wood.

What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant? A BONE-zai tree. But if they don’t like that one, how about a S-pine tree?

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?

Wave.

How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree He now knew how the Mercedes bends

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