What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree

What did the wind say to the palm tree? Hold onto your nuts this is no ordinary blow job.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

What do emos and apples have in common?

They both hang on trees.

How do you get my neighbor out of their tree? You untie the rope.

How do trees get online? – They just log in.

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope…

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?


A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband’s friend walks over and says,

“Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E.”

what does an apple and a lawyer have in common?

they both look good hanging from a tree

What do you call a Russian tree?


Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we’ve ever gotten to an accident site.”

An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?

The apple because the emo kid got caught by the rope

Snow everywhere, it’s Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.

What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant? A BONE-zai tree. But if they don’t like that one, how about a S-pine tree?

what do depressed people and Apple’s have in common?

they both hang from trees