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What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

Trees are so social. They’re always branching out.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

What do emos and apples have in common?

They both hang on trees.

How do trees get online? – They just log in.

What did the wind say to the palm tree? Hold onto your nuts this is no ordinary blow job.

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband’s friend walks over and says,

“Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E.”

How do you get a one armed man out of a tree?

You wave at him.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

If trees could kill you, they wood.

What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant? A BONE-zai tree. But if they don’t like that one, how about a S-pine tree?

What’s green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? – A pool table.

How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?


How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.

What do you call an orphans family tree A stump

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.

How do you get my neighbor out of their tree? You untie the rope.

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree He now knew how the Mercedes bends