Santa jokes

I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!

I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.

How did Santa fit down the chimney?

He buttered it.

What did Santa use as a candy cane?

Wait, wait, I said it wrong.

Okay.

What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.

What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!

You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."

Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.

Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"

Why did Santa go to work? Because he was just trying out the work! 😂😂

What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?

Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!

Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.

Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.

Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.

Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.

Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.

Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.

Kid: It's not an Apple product.

Indian poor dad: It's a banana.

Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.

Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?

His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.

*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*

Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.

LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!

Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.

Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?

Your hairline is so fat that when you meet Santa, you're fatter than him and your mom.

Why can't orphans have a Christmas list? Because they can't give it to their parents to tell Santa.

Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.

Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.

Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"

Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"

What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.

Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?

A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!