Santa Claus

Santa Claus Jokes

Depression

if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

Michael Jackson

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.

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  • Sack

    Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

    A: He only comes once a year.

    Santa Claus

    Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

    Memes

    Kid

    Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

    Because they're the ones who made the toys.

    Bill Cosby

    What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

    They both come while youโ€™re asleep.

    Elf

    What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    Mama

    Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"

    Christmas

    I like Christmas.

    Itโ€™s the holiday where an old man breaks into peopleโ€™s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay ๐Ÿ˜

    Ghost

    There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.

    White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

    Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

    Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"

    Music

    Q: What kind of Christmas music do elves like?

    A: โ€œWrapโ€ music.

    Santa

    To start, I'm a big fella in size.

    I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

    Christmas

    You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

    I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.