Santa

Santa Jokes

Coal

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.

Sack

Why is Santa's sack always full?

Because he only comes once a year.

Bear

Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?

His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.

*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*

Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.

LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!

Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.

Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?

Santa Claus

When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

Santa Claus

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

Dyslexia

My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.

Computer

Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."

Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

Sack

What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?

They both empty their sacks around children.

Santa Claus

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

Toy

Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?

Because they're the ones making the toys.

Dad

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

Yo mama

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

Rizz

Rizz,

Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.

Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.

You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.

Santa Claus

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"