Santa jokes
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
Why did Santa stop at three ho's?
Ms. Claus caught him.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Why was Santa happy?
'Cause he has hoes.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?
They both empty their sacks around children.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at three hoes.
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.