A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur and the rabbit says no So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit
two men are hunting. one asks: did you ever hunt bear? the other one answers: no, but one time i went fishing in my shorts
Why isn't a koala a bear? It doesn't have the koalafications
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says “what’s the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks? “ The man says “it’s not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place.”
A wise man once told me: 'If you poke the bear in prison The bear will happily return the favour, when its times to shower'
so heres the joke, A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz
What do you call a bear without a ear?
B
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flyin around about six inches above the water. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal.”
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal.”
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal.”
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal.”
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal.”
Then it all happened
The fly dropped six inches
The fish came up and caught the fly
The bear came out and caught the fish
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich
The mouse went for the sandwich
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species. I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Actually, It isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...
Why can't pooh bear catch a date. Because he is always talking about his honey.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
It’s not rape if she’s a dead bear and I lost my job at the circus
I was walking in the forrest with my gf I had a desert eagle for protection A bear jumped out of the bushes one shot was enough to put my gf down and it gave me enough time to run away
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it. The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!" (Found on the web if you don't like it don't leave a hate comment)
What does a bear beat off with? His bear hands
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to nove
Why is the koala not a bear? It doesn't have the right koalafications.
