Why didn’t the bear go to college? – Because bears don’t go to college.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur and the rabbit says no So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? – A bi-polar-bear.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It’s not dead or anything, it’s just too scared to nove
Why isn’t a koala a bear? It doesn’t have the koalafications
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin
two men are hunting. one asks: did you ever hunt bear? the other one answers: no, but one time i went fishing in my shorts
What do you call a bear without a ear?
A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flyin around about six inches above the water. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal.”
There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal.”
There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal.”
There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal.”
There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, “if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal.”
Then it all happened
The fly dropped six inches
The fish came up and caught the fly
The bear came out and caught the fish
The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich
The mouse went for the sandwich
The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond
The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears? Because they dont meet the koalafications
Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’ meet all the koalifications!
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!!!
What do you call the bear that pushes all the other bears into the pool?
The dry bear.
whats the difference between a bear with a gun and an American Man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Bear Grylls is a restaurant.
Actually, It isn’t a bear joke, but bear with me here…