Santa jokes
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
Roses are red. He shows no remorse.
Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl?
HO, HO, HO!
Why was Santa Santa?
Because it was Santa! Hahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.