Chimney jokes
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"
What does a sex offender and Santa have in common?
They will come down your "chimney" tonight.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Joe Momma so fat when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, holy crap!"
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"
The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.