Holiday jokes
I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Why do orphans go on holiday?
To see what family is like.
What do orphans get on Xmas?
Lonely.
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
What do orphans get at Xmas?
Lonely.
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"