Holiday Jokes

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover

if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

What's an orphan's favorite movie?

"Home Alone."

What's a depressed kids favorite holiday.... Christmas because everything is hanging

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."

Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

what did the woman with no hands get for christmas? no idea. she hasn’t opened her present yet.

A German went to France for a holiday and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?

Free delivery.

You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

Why is Santa's sack so big?

He only comes once a year

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? A pair of gloves! Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

Its the season of giving, So ill be giving up!

What did the kid without hands get for Christmas? - I don't know, he still didn't open his present...

What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?

They both hang...

Note to self.

When baking for the holidays don't Google creampies.

Google cream pie recipes.

What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming" ;)

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”