Holiday jokes
I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
Father's Day is a dad joke.
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Yo mama so ugly that on Halloween she didn't get candy.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
Why do orphans love Christmas?
Because they build a home.
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
Englishman: We named our son George since he was born on Saint George's Day.
Irishman: We called our daughter Valentine since she was born on Valentine's Day.
Scotsman: We named our son Pancake because he was born on Pancake Day!
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.