Christmas jokes
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree.
The person: "Only the last thing left to hang!"
He grabs a noose.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?
Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
Why do orphans love Christmas?
Because they build a home.
Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.