Christmas jokes
Why do orphans love Christmas?
Because they build a home.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?
Because they make the toys.
You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"
How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
What's a depressed kid's favorite holiday?.... Christmas because everything is hanging.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.