why can’t orphans work at S.C Johnson

Cause it’s a family company

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

I’d tell you a joke about unemployed people but none of them work.

on a date me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - “I’m a butcher.”

Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, “Good bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter’s prayers again. She says, “God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn’t know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, “God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.” The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn’t go home and stays there until midnight. He’s very surprised. ‘I’ve cheated death!’ he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, “Where have you been?!” and the husband says, “Oh don’t ask me any questions, today’s been miserable.” The wife replies, “Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch…”

I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it

I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, “soon, my brother.”

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I’m still here

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say “Tell me if you can hear me”, then get in the trunk and start screaming.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work…

He’s a suicide bomber.

A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.

After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”

“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days

I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying.

Sans: wow. seems you’re really working yourself… down to the bone!

When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.

Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.