I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
*on a date* me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - "I'm a butcher."
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work...
He’s a suicide bomber.
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Where does a girl with one leg work? IHOP.
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamus` wife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus` wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
So I was going out the door and I see me dwarf neighbour at the bus stop, I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with fu.. off. So I zip up my backpack and keep going to work
Error code 404 "Will to live" not found
Smileandtalk.exe has stopped working
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say "Tell me if you can hear me", then get in the trunk and start screaming.