Santa jokes
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
If the Grinch was an average white thotty b.... girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6LmcrJq6oo
If the Grinch was an average black girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYzLo8vjSqI&has_verified=1
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
Why is Santa so fat?
He only comes once a year.
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"
What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
My sister looks like Santa Claus.
"You are so pretty?"
"No, too many people!"
What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?
A hoe hoe hoe.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.