What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where the naughty girls live!
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.
Why did Santa stop at three ho's?
Ms. Claus caught him.
Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL!
I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
How did Santa fit down the chimney?
He buttered it.
What did Santa use as a candy cane?
Wait, wait, I said it wrong.
Okay.
What did Santa use to do his garden...never mind.
What did Santa say to the rain? Go away!
