Profession jokes
3.14% of sailors are pirates.
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
What do you call a rapper who becomes a chef?
A LYRICAL COOK!
I'm looking for the bartender.
Person named Bart:
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
I lick poo for a living... You?
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
What do you call a dev that is dead?
A deadveloper.
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
MC Cheffin'.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
Hi 👋! I love 💕 you! Ooooooo!
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?
Jobs,
50 shapes head.
I have a really good construction joke.
But I'm still working on it.