Profession jokes
What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?
"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"
I lick poo for a living... You?
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
Why did the rapper become a fisherman?
Because they loved dropping BASS.
I am really hot, but I hate water. What am I?
3.14% of sailors are pirates.
- I work with animals.
- Great! What job?
- A butcher.
Why don't we have female magicians?
'Cause the last ones got hanged.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?
He kneaded a turd.
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
What did the 90s rocker Space Engineer in multiplayer Miner yell at the Troll stealing his stuff?
"Hey! give me my Nickelback!"
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."