It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What do you call an Indian electrician?
Ashok 😂
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
I'm starting a clown shoe store.
It's no small feat! :oD
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator.
"Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $30."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100."
The woman, slightly annoyed, gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
