Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?
They all shoot people for a living.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
What do strippers and butter have in common?
Both spread for bread.
What do you call a rapper who works in the bakery?
DOUGH-KNIGHT
What do you call a rapper with a PhD?
A rap scholar.
What do you call a rapper who's also a firefighter?
BLAZE RHYMES
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
What do you call a rapper who's also a PILOT?
Fly Guy
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to MIX UP some BEATS
Why did the rapper become a plumber?
Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!
How does a rapper start his day?
With a MIC check!
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O.'"
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
