Vocation jokes

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?

Father Les.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One kneels to pray, one kneels to pay.

What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?

One reads, the other breeds.

What is the difference between whores and nuns?

Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.

Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?

A. Sunday school!

Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.

Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.

"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.

"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head.

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.

"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.