What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
I have a really good construction joke.
But I'm still working on it.
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.
What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?
The frog might be on his way to a gig!
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
I'm looking for the bartender.
Person named Bart:
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
What time is it when a nurse's here?
It's nurse-thirty.
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
