What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
Profession Jokes
I told a chemist a joke.
No reaction.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
I have a really good construction joke.
But I'm still working on it.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
I'm looking for the bartender.
Person named Bart:
What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?
The frog might be on his way to a gig!
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
What do you call a student in space?
An astrodent.
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
