Profession jokes
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
I told a chemist a joke.
No reaction.
What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
I have a really good construction joke.
But I'm still working on it.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?
The frog might be on his way to a gig!
I'm looking for the bartender.
Person named Bart:
What do you call a student in space?
An astrodent.
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.