Profession jokes

I told a chemist a joke.

No reaction.

What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.

What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?

"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."

"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?

Ooh, snickerdoodles!

I have a really good construction joke.

But I'm still working on it.

What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?

Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

Why did the rapper become a painter?

To brush up on his rhymes!

I'm looking for the bartender.

Person named Bart:

What does a gorilla attorney study?

The law of the jungle.

What do you call a student in space?

An astrodent.

What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?

The frog might be on his way to a gig!

Why did the doctor get mad?

Because he was losing his patients.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?

"I love eating cat."

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.