My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
Profession Jokes
What time is it when a nurse's here?
It's nurse-thirty.
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. π
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
Iβm a clown...
And everyone knows.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because theyβve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
What is an astronaut's favorite button? A space bar.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?
Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!
Itβs sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
Why don't we have female magicians?
'Cause the last ones got hanged.
