Why did the prostitute lose all her money?
Because she got f*cked.
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.
boss: "We have to let you go."
surgeon: "I protest innocence."
boss: "How?"
surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."
boss: "Get out!"
I’m a clown...
And everyone knows.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!
Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.
Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.
I lick poo for a living... You?
What's the difference between the woods and a hooker?
Some hookers have passions for nature. Other hookers will Kill ThEIR Tricks for payback!!!!!!
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
Why don't we have female magicians?
'Cause the last ones got hanged.
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
