Profession jokes
Why did the rapper become an archaeologist?
Because he wanted to dig for old-school beats!
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
3.14% of sailors are pirates.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
What do you call a rapper with a PhD?
A rap scholar.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
Why don't we have female magicians?
'Cause the last ones got hanged.
Why did the rapper become a fisherman?
Because they loved dropping BASS.
Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?
He kneaded a turd.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
- I work with animals.
- Great! What job?
- A butcher.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The doorbell repairer.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."