Profession jokes
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
What are clowns good at?
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
A prostitute walks in the bar, and she goes up to the bartender and says, "I just made $100 and 5¢ sucking dick." The bartender says, "Who gave you the 5¢?" The prostitute says, "They all did!"
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
My proctologist used to be a photographer. He took x-rays and told me to bend over and say "cheese!"
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
What do you call an expert fisherman? A "MASTER-BAITER".
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
Tell who we are.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he knew how to count his bars!
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed." The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong." The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he knew how to mix up some beats!
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!