Employment jokes

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Cause it's a family company.

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*

Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?

I saw this little girl crying. I asked her where her parents were. She cried more, man, I love working at an orphanage.

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?

Free dog food.