Butcher Jokes


i just found out my ex got stabbed today....lets just say i lost my job as a butcher


*on a date* me - "I get to work with animals all day" her - "How sweet! What do you do?" me - "I'm a butcher."



man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher..


at a date : he: i work with animals everyday me: oh how sweet!what do you do? he:I'm a butcher

in Bar

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys. - Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. 'We don't have any money!' - Take it easy now, said Christopher. 'I have a plan.' When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can't do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk. - How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ' I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!'


Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr Baker was probably a baker. Mr Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr Dickinson....


i went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig

she started crying

First date be like:

Me: I work with animals every day.

Her: Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?

Me: I'm a butcher.

in Gambler


A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says "Sir, are you a gambling man?" The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact I am." "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there." The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet." The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man." "I am. But the steaks are too high."

in Puns

What did the butcher say to the pig?

Nice to meat you


"I work with animals" the man said to his date. his date said "I love a man who works with animals what job is it for the animal" "I am a butcher" said the man


My ex died today. I also lost my job as a butcher

in Depression

What is a suicidal horny persons job?

, a butcher


went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."


I work with animals!! What do you do? I’m a butcher

A dog
in Ex

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday..lets just say i quit my job as a butcher


I went to the local butchers and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says "I had to fire her too"

Alternative punchline:

I had to all social services, she was only 14

John Mills
in Poor

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop I thought there had been a horrible accident.

in Puns

Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?

Because it was a misteak