Why did the noble gas cry?
Because all his friends Argon.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
Chemistry joke: Why did the Superman being normal people when a krypton was at him?
Because krypton is "stable."
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."