How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce “unionized”.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can not helium, you have to curium. If you can not curium, you have to barium!
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: “Assume we have a can opener…”
Chemistry joke: Why did the Superman being normal people when a krypton was at him? Because krypton is “stable”