Law Enforcement jokes
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
The best part about Poland 🇵🇱 is that the police lights are different.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...
Well nvm, they shot him dead.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?
RoboCop.
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.