Law Enforcement jokes
I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.
A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.
I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.
Why do kids want to become cops? They want to find the guy who touched them.
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
What happened when 800 hares got loose in the center of town?
The cops had to comb through the area.
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says, "moo moo."
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says, "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall you black mother fucke*!"
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.