I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
Chuck Norris: "I block bullets with my beard." Abraham Lincoln: "I catch bullets with my skull."
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
Whatβs the difference between a bullet and a Jew?
One comes out of the chamber.
I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.
So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, βWhat do you think was going through their heads?β And I replied, βProbably a bullet.β She was furious and said, βHow dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!β And I replied, βWell, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.β
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
