Bullet jokes
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Pov: your bleeding out from 5 bullets in your chest, but the robber touches the air fryer
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
What's the difference between humans and bullets?
Humans miss John Lennon.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
Chuck Norris: "I block bullets with my beard." Abraham Lincoln: "I catch bullets with my skull."
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"
Guy: That's probably because you're single.
The school shooter points the gun at the emo kid. While the shooter tries to shoot him, the emo kid dodges the bullets like in the Matrix and takes the gun away from the shooter and shoots himself.
How do you get a million fowl?
You run through Africa with a bullet of water.
"Killed two birds with one stone"? Pfft, I once killed two people with one bullet.
How did the bullet lose its job? It got fired!
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!