Lostin Flowers

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I took a banana to the doctor. It wasn’t peeling well.

What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

When is the best time to go to the dentist?

2:30

I entered ten puns in a joke contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did.

What did Tennessee?

Same thing that Arkansas.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey

Of you say the word “gullible” slowly, it will sound like you’re saying “orange”.

I saw a robbery at the Apple store.

Am I an iWitness?

The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it “brella”, but he hesitated

What happened to the guy who tried to catch fog?

He mist.

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

“Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it’s going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?”

“Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves.”

“You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!”

“Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?”

“I’m Indy’s parrot you twit! Now help me! please help, please help!”

All normal sized babies a delivered by stork.

Heavier babies are delivered by crane.

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will let it go!

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk.

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

No one.

No one who?

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding only half a worm.

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes whack “darn” and a skydiver goes “darn” whack.