Cop Jokes

Anonymous
in Police

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

Bloodcurdling scream

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere

Anonymous

The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily I already fled the country.

2
Madison R.
in Blonde

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

1
THE FUNNY DUDE
in Adult

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

Anonymous
in Deportation

a cop pulled me over and shouted papers. i shouted scissors and drove off.

Anonymous

what's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop.

pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly

2
White People
in Darkness

Friend:How dark is your humor? Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis

Aynomous

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black

5
Derplaney
in Puns

One day a snail got robbed by 2 turtles, once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, Snail said "I dont know it all happed to fast"!

4
Asswald

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills. The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"

She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."

The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"

The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"

"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"

The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

Anonymous

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed

Anonymous
in Darkness

All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.

Anonymous

If a white cop had a black dick would he beat it to death

Anonymous
in Chuck Norris

chuck Norris get`s pulled over by cop and the cop gets a ticket

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The colour orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'seperate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, its a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

in America

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they all Beat the room for being black.

JAred

Friend: How dark IS your humor Me: It started an orginization against cops

Anonysus
in Freedom

i saw a cuban prisoner i asked why are you running from the cops he said IM FREE AT LAST.

Anonymous
in Police

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

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