A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
a cop pulled me over and shouted papers. i shouted scissors and drove off.
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
Friend:How dark is your humor? Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis
If a white cop had a black dick would he beat it to death
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
The Women saw a Cute lookin cop she Had pulled up right Next to him and said “Hey can i get your number” He said yea it’s “911”. And drove of
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Woman: I want coffee, black Cop: *takes out gun* WHERE?!
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”
What did the cop say after he shot the ginger? "I guess orange is the new black"
What's the difference between a Pig and a Police officer.
The Pig smells better
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his whistle and blew his horse
