Coffee Jokes

in Depression

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!

in Puns

Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.


what do you call a sad cup of coffee? Answer: Depresso

Joshua Seavey

I like my women like I like my coffee

Dark,Rich, and Imported

in Puns

How did the hipster burn his tongue? -- He drank his coffee before it was cool.

Victor Greywolf
in Michael Jackson

In honor of Michael Jackson, Starbucks is introducing the Jackson Latte'. It's 50 year old coffee, with 8 year old cream. Get it while supplies last

Alan Horn
in Marriage

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in".

in Breakfast

Why did the coffee file a police report??

- because it got mugged


What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?

Burial grounds.


heres a list of puns not all of them are mine

1.Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

2.Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5.Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6.Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7.Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8.How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9.That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10.My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

Loan Yoda
in Star Wars

Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee? Palpatine: Brew it!

in Depression

What do u get when I get mixed with coffee? De-presso


i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee. SO his mom said he can have one. He got an esspresso not knowing depresso came with it.

in John

What do you call a sad Coffee


Anonymous mouse
in Breakfast

I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't

in Sadness

what do you call a sad coffee??????


I like my men how I like my coffee...



How do u know Stephen hawking is having a seizures - he spills coffee on his I pad


i want coffee like my men