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Why did the coffee file a police report? – Because it was mugged.

How did the hipster burn his tongue? – He drank his coffee before it was cool.

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!

I like my women like I like my coffee

Dark,Rich, and Imported

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.

i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey

What’s black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard.

what do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso

What is Michal Jordan’s favorite coffee place? Dunkin dounuts.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot, then the pilot said he was dying for a b...... and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted “Next time don’t forget the coffee!”

Why did the coffee file a police report??

  • because it got mugged

How do u know Stephen hawking is having a seizures

  • he spills coffee on his I pad

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee, The man said coffee was only a quarter, I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask it.

Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

i like my women like i like my coffee

without other peoples dicks in it

Chuck Norris orders his coffee black, without water.

I like my women like my coffee- Ground up and frozen

these are all of my terrible jokes

Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright but the reception was amazing A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said "I’ll serve you but don’t start anything A dyslexic man walks into a bra Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says "does this taste funny to you, I’m joking of course" Dejamoo: the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor “I can’t feel my legs” the doctor said " I know, I AMPUTATED YOUR ARMS" I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says "dam" A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out of a "small medium at large" A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says "a beer please,and one for the road" Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent YO MAMA SO FAT THAT she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh A priest a rabbi and a cleric walk into a bar, the cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens. What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, how far do you think I can kick this bucket A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a p.... A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart Why didn’t Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico What’s green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels WERE A LIE. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck Why couldn’t the dinosaur break the wall, I don’t know. I’m asking you Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker, she has dementia There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It’s an owl it can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey

I like my coffee like I like my women