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Why did the coffee file a police report? – Because it was mugged.

How did the hipster burn his tongue? – He drank his coffee before it was cool.

What do you call a sad Coffee

Despesso

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!

I like my women like I like my coffee

Dark,Rich, and Imported

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.

i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey

What’s black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard.

what do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso

What is Michal Jordan’s favorite coffee place? Dunkin dounuts.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot, then the pilot said he was dying for a b...... and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted “Next time don’t forget the coffee!”

Why did the coffee file a police report??

  • because it got mugged

How do u know Stephen hawking is having a seizures

  • he spills coffee on his I pad

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee, The man said coffee was only a quarter, I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask it.

Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!

Why did the hipster burn his tounge?-He sipped his coffee before it was cool

I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don’t

What was king tut’s favorite coffee?

   - De-coffin-ated

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

i like my women like i like my coffee

without other peoples dicks in it