Why did the coffee file a police report? – Because it was mugged.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot, then the pilot said he was dying for a b...... and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted “Next time don’t forget the coffee!”
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee, The man said coffee was only a quarter, I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask it.