Coffee jokes
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
How do rappers like their coffee?
With a little bit of RAP-PUCCINO.
If sugar is a drug, does that mean putting it in coffee is overdose?
How do rappers like their coffee? With a lot of flow creamer.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
What is the most favorite coffee brand of feminists? Taster's Choice!
Coffee has been the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
What is a cannibal's favorite drink?
Coffee.
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
Sans: What is Todoroki's favorite coffee creamer?
Half n' Half hehe.
Papyrus: Sans! He's not even part of our fandom!!!
Sans: Bro don't get so HOT headed about it. Just CHILL.
Sorry not sorry -sans
What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.
I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
Q. What happens when a pedophile spills his coffee? A. It leaves an EP-stain.
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.
Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"
What's a depressed person's favorite drink? A dipresso espresso.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.