What’s the difference between a thief and a pervert??
One will snatch your watch, the other will watch your snatch
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
(To a thief) If you like taking things, hbu take my life.
To whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What's the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
To the guy who stole my depression medication, I hope you're happy
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low and the cliff was non existent and now you took the poison !"
why is the thief so good at basketball? because he can shoot, steal, and run
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret and I said, well you never know when you need to pick a lock
I stole one's balls
When the police caught him stealing the batteries he got immediately charged !
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend
Friend: wow thanks, i'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: you're what
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
Why did the orphan rob the bank. To be wanted
If i had 10 dyno nuggies and Jamal tried to take one i would have ten dyno nuggies and Jamal's head
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen. Just how low can you get.
