Security

Security Jokes

Guardian

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

Password

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

Glory Hole

What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?

Guardian of the confessional booth.

Johnny Depp

Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?

Because he was about to kick the cabinet.

Laptop

Damn it I discovered digital art. Made this for my laptop lockscreen πŸ˜‚ I drew the panda btw

A cute panda waves with the text "You don't know my password" on a black background with small white dots and a crescent moon.

Key

What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.

Friend

When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."

Suicide

Suicide gives you security for the future.

Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.

Pentagon

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...

so Trump can't tweet it.

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  • Plane

    Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?

    A: They don't belong in buildings.

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  • Mom

    So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

    Voice

    I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

    Lock

    So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

    Assassination

    I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.

    We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.

    School Shooter

    When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.

    Gun

    If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.

    Biden: *falls over on steps*

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  • Daughter

    Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."

    Father: "Sorry."

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  • Orphan

    Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

    A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.