Law Enforcement jokes
What is a Mexican's least favorite type of water?
I.C.E. water.
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
What do the initials FBI stand for?
Federal Bureau of Idiots.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.