Law Enforcement jokes
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.
The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.
Wanna hear a joke?
Police brutality.
There are three Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
The cop!
Yo momma's an ICE agent!
You were probably voted "Most Likely to Become an Ice agent" in school.
Why did the cop show up early to the protest? To beat the crowd.
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
What is a Mexican's least favorite type of water?
I.C.E. water.
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.