Law Enforcement jokes
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
Yo momma's an ICE agent!
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!
"Police control! Have you been drinking?"
"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"
"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?
RoboCop.
Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.
What do hockey players and cops have in common?
They both use sticks to hit something black.
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
Police seek clues to explain Walmart.
My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.
I was gonna stop for the cops, but I ran because I was high (the song don't copyright me plz).
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021