Law Enforcement jokes
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for being black.
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig.
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.