Humor

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

A photon is checking into a hotel.

The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

Why do people hate abortion jokes?

It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.

Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."

What do you do when a woman is choking?

Back up a couple inches.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?

Fast food.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

Actually, Iron Man is female.

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?

Oppenheimer

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

Why do skeletons hate wind? Because it goes right through them!

Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!

Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?

A: Because he is a "herbefore."

What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.

I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.