Humor
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
Which book takes an extreme turn and has an incredible plot twist?
- The math book. Suddenly letters appear in the calculations...
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a baby?
"Sum ting wong."
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
Memes
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣
I just planted emo grass.
Ignore it and it cuts itself.
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
What was the orphan's name?
Jake! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂
An orphan? We no jokes.
Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
Welcome to Arby's, where your babies become our gravy!
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
It was just a prank, and stop calling our humor "plane." In our opinion, it's fire.
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.