Humor
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
Shresh
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."