Humor
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Shit sticks everywhere.
What do you call a black comedian?
Dark Humor.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?
My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.
*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
- I think you're EGGcellent.
+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.
- Really? Are you done yet?.
+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.